Comments on: 17 Ways To Ensure Your Son Will Not Be a Gentleman

By: Emily

Emily — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 03:28:30 +0000

Thanks for this article. I have a couple nephews that are exactly like the boy you described at the beginning of the article. They simply don’t reply when people say “hi” or “nice to meet you” – they have excellent parents but I wonder why they haven’t enforced these VERY BASIC manners!

By: MaryEllen Bream

MaryEllen Bream — Fri, 21 Aug 2015 15:15:49 +0000

In reply to Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect. How do you know? :) Yes, it is definitely harder when we let them establish bad habits...

By: Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect

Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect — Thu, 20 Aug 2015 15:14:32 +0000

Great list – and most of it goes for my daughters, too. Sometimes it’s so easy to let these things slide, but then we have to work even harder to get back on track. Go ahead – ask me how I know! 😉

By: MaryEllen Bream

MaryEllen Bream — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 19:56:41 +0000

In reply to Christopher Lim. You are absolutely right.

By: Christopher Lim

Christopher Lim — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 19:47:47 +0000

Hi
Thanks for the article. I think it is not enough to tell our kids to behave. We as parents must set the example. May times I have seen parents asking their kids to say “Please” and “Thanks You”, but they themselves failed to say “Please” and “Thanks You”. On many occasions the teachers would demand that the students say “Please” and “Thanks You” to them, but failed to say “Please” and “Thanks You” to the students.

More things are caught rather than taught and the children are always watching us adults.

My parent prayer is “God change me so that I can raise godly children”

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 15:03:47 +0000

In reply to MaryEllen Bream. MaryEllen, I agree. You stated that better than I could have. :)

By: MaryEllen Bream

MaryEllen Bream — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 12:14:20 +0000

In reply to Paula.

You’re allowed to disagree, Paula, as long as you do so nicely like you did. 🙂

This is one where we’ll have to agree to disagree, though. I believe that Biblically there should be a difference. You’re not going to go into the nuts and bolts of this when they’re 3 and 4, but they need to understand that different doesn’t mean lesser. God created males and females equally and just as valuable in his sight, but with different, specific roles that he designed. When you teach your son to treat ladies more gently, you are not teaching him that women are dumb or weak; you are teaching him that they are special and something to be treasured and protected.
As far as girls who enjoy rough-housing with the boys – go for it! But I will tell my girls when they’re older that if they want to play rough with the boys, not to get upset when/if they get hurt. That comes with the territory. They can’t try to play a guy’s game and expect the guys to go easy on them.
But come over and watch my boys with their sisters some time (or watch how they try to tackle ME!) and you’ll see why I teach them to treat girls differently. Not all of us want to wrestle! 🙂
Helping mom and dad with the groceries – absolutely. Part of being a gentleman is being helpful wherever it’s needed.
But, no I don’t believe that teaching to treat ladies differently is teaching that they’re lesser – it’s teaching him that they’re valuable and need to be treasured as such. I’m preparing my boys to be husbands one day, and one of the Biblical commands for a husband is to honor his wife as the weaker vessel (I Peter 3:7). In general, women are weaker than men (except when it comes to giving birth!) because they are perfectly equipped for the roles which God designed each for. Equal, yet different.

By: Paula

Paula — Fri, 14 Aug 2015 03:47:30 +0000

I agree with almost everything on the list. I don’t agree with #1. Especially when they’re young, I don’t think they have to differentiate how they play with girls as opposed to boys. If a girl doesn’t want to play more physical games, that’s one thing. There are also some boys that don’t want to play rough. It shouldn’t be a boy or girl thing. My daughter played wrestling and sports games with her brother before he got older and still plays with a lot of the boys in her class. All others, girls and boys, need to be treated with respect. Teaching them girls need to be treated “gently” is teaching them that girls are maybe lesser in some way.

Also, I think they should offer to help both mom AND dad with bringing in groceries. I don’t want boys being taught that women “need” help from men, or that women are somehow less capable and in need of assistance from men. I taught my son and my daughter they should offer to help because it’s courteous. Not because any one gender needs help more than the other.

And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my son knowing I can open my own door. We can teach our sons to be respectful and courteous and function socially without teaching them that women are somehow lesser.