Thou Shalt Not Have Dirty Floors!

I don't know about you, but I really enjoy reading blogs and browsing Pinterest or Facebook during my kids' nap time.  I have found quite a few ladies who post really good ideas and who encourage me to continue improving in my homemaking skills.

Sometimes I'm encouraged to enjoy the days, no matter how exhausting they are.
Sometimes I'm challenged to be more present with my children.
Sometimes I'm reminded to do a better job doing little things to show my husband I love him.
Sometimes I get a kick in the pants to just get up and clean my house instead of reading about the best way to do it!

But almost inevitably I see this phrase come up in the comments on these types of posts:

“Shame on you for heaping more guilt onto women already pulling their hair out trying to do everything they need to do for their families!”

“Really?” I wonder. I don't think the intent of the blogger was to make women feel guilty. I assume the intent was to encourage women to be striving to take the next step.

I get that women are busy.  Believe me, I do – because I'm right there with you!

I get that you're exhausted, and I know that sometimes thinking about doing “just one more thing” feels like it's going to push you over the edge.

But here's the thing.  Sometimes that guilt you feel?  Sometimes that guilt is a good thing.

Maybe you feel frustrated when you see a post about spending more time with your kids.  “Stop! I don't have time to spend more time with my kids or I totally would!” you think.  And I don't doubt that in some situations that's the case.  Single moms single-handedly keeping the household afloat?  I can see how that would be hard.  Dealing with chronic illness?  Been there, done that.  Not easy.

But what about those times when the real reason you feel guilty is because deep down inside you know that the reason you can't  spend more time with your kids is because you are spending your time on the wrong things?  There are plenty of things you can do that are actually good things, but because they take away from what's best, they're not right.  If that's the case, the guilt you feel – though it hurts – is a good thing, not something from which to run away or about which to become angry.

So what could be classified as “good guilt” and what qualifies as “bad guilt”?

(Update: After having my husband read over this post to make sure it made sense, he offered the suggestion that we clarify the terms a little bit.  While the Bible uses the term “guilt” in both a positive and a negative way, I think it may be easier to differentiate if we use different terms altogether.  So we'll say that “bad guilt” is condemnation, either from our own flesh or from the devil.  “Good guilt” is conviction from the Holy Spirit.  Condemnation beats us up.  Conviction builds us up.   Condemnation hurts because it says we are not good enough and we never can be.  Conviction may sting because the truth hurts, but it offers hope for change. )

“Bad guilt” says:

“My home should be decorated like this or I'm not making my home a haven for my family.”

“Good guilt” says:

“I haven't been using my time wisely and I need to spend more of it creating a peaceful atmosphere in my home.”  Or…it may say nothing at all!  Not everybody is called to decorate their house a certain way, and there's nothing wrong with that.  Your home can be a haven without the latest Pinterest look.

“Bad guilt” says:

“I am a lousy homemaker.  If I would get my act together, my house would be *this* clean. (Insert perfect standard of cleanliness here.)”

“Good guilt” says:

“I've been lazy, and according to the Bible, that displeases God.  It's time for me to roll up my sleeves and get to work.”  Or…it may say nothing at all!  You may be in a season of life where, in spite of great efforts, your house still stays a mess.  And that's perfectly okay.

“Bad guilt” says:

“If I were the right kind of mom, I would be playing with my kids daily, doing crafts with them, etc., etc., etc.”

“Good guilt” says:

“I need to change my priorities.  I've been spending too much time on the good, and not enough time on the best.”  Or…it may say nothing at all!  A good mother isn't measured by the number of crafts she does with her kids each week, the number of minutes she spends playing with her kids, or how few times she yelled today.  Her only responsibility is to do what's best for her family rather than trying to measure up to someone else's standards.

How do I evaluate whether I'm experiencing good guilt or bad guilt?

There are 2 simple ways to tell:

1. Bad guilt is based on someone else's standards.

When you look at how everyone else lives and you don't live the same way, bad guilt begins to set in.  Instead of measuring yourself against others, measure yourself against God's Word.  Does God's Word say, “Thou shalt never have a sticky floor?”  No?  Then why are you beating yourself up about your sticky floor just because someone else has that as her personal priority?
Good guilt asks, “What does God think of me?  Is how I'm spending my time best for my home and family?

2. Bad guilt is something you do to yourself.

No one can physically twist your arm and say “FEEL GUILTY, OR ELSE!”  If you feel guilty for no valid reason, that is because you are measuring yourself against the wrong standard.  Switch out your measuring stick and the guilt will disappear.
Good guilt is something the Holy Spirit does in your heart, prompting you to change your actions to be more in accordance with God's Word.

Bad guilt aims to hurt your feelings; good guilt aims to change your actions.

What should I do when I'm experiencing guilt?

When you leave the computer feeling guilty and depressed, even though there's nothing you can possibly do to change your actions, you must make a deliberate choice to change your thoughts instead.

How can you change your thoughts?

You put truth into your mind via God's Word.  You spend time reading God's Word instead of reading man's words.  You spend time telling your struggles to God instead of to your friends.  You spend time listening to uplifting music and meditating on the words instead of letting your thoughts swirl unchecked.  You memorize scripture so that it takes up so much room in your mind it automatically crowds out the faulty thinking that tries to sneak its way in.

And in those times when you get up knowing the guilt you feel is completely legitimate?  You just get to work making the changes you know you need to make – immediately.

The temptation is to sit around and bemoan all the time you've wasted and in the process you're wasting more time!  If your guilt brings no action it is doing you no good.

What are you going to change today, friend?

Do you need to spend more time thinking on truth?

Do you need to make necessary changes in your life?

Let's stop being angry at our feelings of guilt and deal with them in a healthy way!

Blessings to you and your family,

MaryEllen

The Easiest Way to Get Those Taxes Done!

It's that time of year again, folks; it's tax season.

If you're anything like me, the very thought of filing taxes is enough to bring about a mixture of both excitement and dread. On one hand we can't help but thinking of the nifty tax returns we'll be receiving within just a few short weeks but on the other we can't avoid the feelings of chagrin when faced with picking which company to go to with for our tax related needs.  There is such a variety of ways to go about completing this arduous task, and many of those solutions come with a hefty price tag.

My husband and I have tried many different options for our taxes over the years, starting with old fashioned pencil and paper, then trying out a number of online services.  When we found TurboTax we stuck with it every year and haven't had to look elsewhere since!  It is truly the easiest, most stress-free way we have found to do our taxes!  (And did I mention you can file for free?!)

As a tried and true tax preparation company TurboTax has been trusted with their customers' finances for 22 years. With knowledgeable, friendly accountant experts to help you with your tax filing needs, TurboTax is available to help you get the most out of filing your taxes; better still, TurboTax offers you their services without ever having to leave your home!

As a champion of hard-working Americans, TurboTax believes that you shouldn't have to come in to work with their experts in order to successfully file your taxes.  Therefore, they've made the experience more user friendly by providing their online services; from the comfort of your own home you can now prepare your own taxes and pick a custom package that best suits your needs this tax filing season. Better still, if you encounter any problems during the process their experts are still available 24/7 should you need additional help.

With the new healthcare laws in effect this year, taxes may be more confusing than ever!  TurboTax has that aspect covered for you also.  There's no need to worry that you're getting the paperwork done correctly.

TurboTax has several different tax preparation packages from which to choose and when you're all done and ready to submit they'll even double check your taxes for you to make sure you never miss a single cent on your tax returns.

One of the best things about working with TurboTax these days is the Absolute Zero feature: the No-Cost Tax Return.

Just like the name states, with Absolute Zero, you don't have to pay a single dime out of your pocket to file your taxes. That's $0 Federal, $0 State, $0 to file for over 60 million Americans as of January 8th 2015.

TurboTax has gone above and beyond to make sure that the burden is lifted from its customers shoulders during their tax preparations. As the leader in tax preparation, TurboTax recognizes that you work hard for every penny you earn and that Absolute Zero is vital to their customers.

What do you get with Absolute Zero?

Absolute Zero is the same as last year's very popular Federal Free Edition, but with even more new free features.  Additional features include the following:

• Claim the Earned Income Credit ($2,300 2013 IRS average) $0
• Cover any Affordable Care Act forms
• Find possible government benefits up to $2,000
• Get a head start by importing your W-2 $0
• Have expert product and audit support $0

If you've been stressed about the time or money that preparing your tax return is going to cost you, I encourage you to give TurboTax a try.  It has truly saved us a great deal of both over the years!

I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.

Taming the Chaos of the Spring Cleaning Routine

Guest post by Michelle from Blooming With Joy.

It’s time to clear the clutter and begin spring cleaning!

Although it's work, I love the feeling of a freshly spring cleaned home. My problem isn’t finding motivation for spring cleaning because I enjoy getting everything back in place. My issue is keeping things in order after my spring cleaning list is completed.

See, I have this feast or famine mentality. I clean like mad woman to check off all my boxes every day. As soon as the ink has dried on the check-list, it’s time to the start cleaning all over. Inevitably, I will skip a beat, fall out of sync, and completely give up for a week at a time, or longer. This ongoing cycle implies I, personally, am a failure. If you’re like me, sometime failure lurks like a dark cloud overhead. Let go of the guilt!  Cleaning is what we do; it does not define us a person!

How to Tame the Chaos

My definition of clean was nothing less than perfect, spotless, everything in its place. I have learned that I live in my home. Striving for a model home with kids will only lead to frustration. To tame the chaos I needed to redefine the meaning of clean and change my philosophy towards cleaning. My new mentality eased my need for perfection and turned my focus to keeping the clutter moving and laundry fluffed.

Less is more: Figure out what you can realistically accomplish in a day, and then work on those chores. It is not possible to do it all. Your kids should be helping with chores of their own too!

Spring Cleaning Routine: Instead of deep cleaning once a year, do it more frequently to catch extra messes. Set aside time during a break week or take off a special day for a deeper cleaning.

Here is an example of how to tame the chaos:

• I would like the playroom organized. On a daily basis I just want to see the floor. Actually, I finally gave up and tossed the idea of having a playroom in our home. Each child keeps their toys in their room and they are then responsible for their room.
• I would like a spotless kitchen. Instead I focus on running the dishwasher and wiping the counter.
• I would like to do the laundry on a daily basis. I have found that doing it weekly often works better.

Doing a little cleaning every day does not result in a perfect home, but it keeps me happier and our home healthier.

Motivating Kids after Spring Cleaning

After I learned to tame the chaos, my challenge was finding a good chore routine for after spring cleaning. So I researched chore charts but none fit the flexibility of my life. I might schedule to clean the bathrooms on Wednesday but reality says it might be Friday before I get them cleaned. This was frustrating. So I came up with a Chore Card System that works really well and offers the flexibility I need as a homeschooling mom! My new eBook Motivate Kids to Clean: Chore Card System has a fully customizable chore cards and point system, inspiration for Mom, how to make a simple schedule, and more.

Motivate Kids to Clean: Chore Card System {Reg. $4.99} will be offered as a special deal to Imperfect Homemaker readers for 20% off.

The special button below will automatically give you the 20% off price:

Encouragement for Mom

Do you struggle with check-list guilt or waver between perfection and chaos? Do you struggle with the temptation to replay the events over and over in your mind as self-punishment arises? My friend, God doesn’t love you anymore when you are perfect nor does he love you any less after you’ve blown it!

God’s very nature is Love.

He loved us before we became super mom and He loves us after we realize we are not. A woman’s superpower persona has existed for all of time. You are not alone in feeling tempted to avoid God when it seems your accomplishments lacking. Look what Jesus says to Super Hero Martha:

“Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”  (Luke 10:41-42)

Good things can be a distraction from greater things. There are things we need to tend to. However, we cannot discern our priorities clearly until we have been filled up by God’s word.

To truly tame the chaos of spring cleaning, make your quiet time daily priority number one.

I pray you begin Blooming With Joy through every chaotic moment, disappointment, and mess!

Michelle Pohl

Quick Help for the Terrible Cook

If you've read this blog for any length of time (or even if you just look at the name!) you can tell that homemaking doesn't exactly display my strong points.

Sadly, that includes cooking.

I certainly enjoy eating, but cooking I do not.  When I post a recipe, you can be guaranteed it's going to be easy.  If I can do it, anybody can.

However, there has been one simple thing that has really upped my cooking game of late.  I can actually fry an egg and keep the yolk runny.  I can cook a pan of oatmeal and keep it from sticking to the bottom of the pan.

And I didn't even have to learn any new cooking techniques.

Want to know my secret?

Non-stick pans.

Gasp!  Don't you write about healthy living sometimes?  And aren't those supposed to be toxic? 

Yes, Teflon pans, although extremely convenient, contain toxic chemicals that can be terribly harmful to the human body.

However, there are several companies who are now manufacturing non-stick ceramic pans.   These particular pans do not contain harmful chemicals but are every bit as convenient as other types of non-stick pans.

My dear husband, for some strange reason, decided to buy me a set of them for Christmas.  (Perhaps he was tired of eating half-burnt food?)

I didn't realize just how much I loved them until I cooked something in one of my old stainless steel pans the other day.  Oh my goodness!  It was such a challenge to keep the food from sticking, burning, and just being generally nasty.  (One at which I wasn't terribly successful.)

I don't even have to think about it anymore with these new pans.  They're making cooking so much easier for me.

And they are saving me tons of clean-up time too!  I hardly even have to wash the pans.  The food fragments practically slide right out of them.  A little courtesy swish with a rag is all I need and I'm done!

I can't say anything about other brands that are out there, but this is the brand my husband bought me.

It's one of the cheapest brands available, but I'm extremely happy with it.

I will say that I've been very careful with it so that I don't scratch the non-stick coating.  It has several instructions that must be followed, such as:

• never use metal utensils
• hand-wash only
• do not heat on high
• never heat without fat in the pan

If you're not the greatest cook in the world, I would definitely suggest getting yourself a set of these!  They have made a huge difference for me, and I know they will help you out too!

How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

Do you make New Year's Resolutions?  Do you ever actually keep them?

I enjoy making goals at the beginning of each new year.  They really help me focus my time on what's most important.

But it's very easy to make resolutions that you'll never keep if you're not careful.  Here are some tips to help you create goals that you can actually reach!

1. Be specific.

New Year's Resolutions are often nebulous ideas like “lose weight”, “exercise”, “eat more healthy”, “be a better wife, mom, friend, etc.”

How can you stick to something that's not even clear?  A better idea would be to create a goal to lose     x     pounds this year or to eat one salad every day.  Make a goal to write a love note to your husband or bake his favorite treat once a week.  Make it your goal to spend 15 minutes of one-on-one time with each of your children every day.

2. Don't wait to start.

If you shouldn't be eating junk food on Jan. 1, you shouldn't be eating junk food on December 31st either.  If you should be exercising on January 1, you should be exercising Dec. 31st too.  Whatever it is that you know you should be doing — you should start right now!  If you're not going to discipline yourself to start now, you're not going to discipline yourself to keep at it either.  Developing good habits is a daily choice you have to make, and if you're not willing to make that choice today, you're definitely not willing to make it for a whole year.

3.  Break your goals down.

If you make a goal to spend more one-on-one time with your kids, figure out how and when you are going to do that.  You can't keep a commitment if you don't have a plan for actually seeing it through!

4. Re-evaluate Periodically

Go through next year's calendar and pencil in dates with yourself to do this (once a month is good) so that you don't forget!  Have your good intentions of writing a love note to your husband turned into reality?  If not, why?  What do you need to change so that you actually accomplish your goal?  Is your goal something you need to cross off your list altogether?

5. Get an accountability partner

Give your spouse, friend, blog readers(?) a list of your goals so they can check up on you periodically.  If you've determined to only eat one dessert a month, your hubby can hold you to it when he sees you sneaking treats out of the freezer or pantry. 🙂

(Speaking of accountability partners — this is totally random, but I just remembered because of the terminology.  If you sign up for Covenant Eyes before December 31, you'll get 2 months free.  Our family uses and loves Covenant Eyes for protecting ourselves and our children from internet pornography.  It's a price we're more than willing to pay.  If you'd like to give it a try, sign up here and use the coupon ONLINESAFETY to get the 2 free months.)

What other tips do you have for keeping your New Year's Resolutions?

Last Minute Gift Idea for Mom or Grandma

Need a last minute gift for mom or grandma?  Here is one that she will love!

Personalize, print, and frame!  So easy, but so meaningful!

To make your own, just right-click and save the image below.  Then use a photo editing program to insert the names of your family members.  (Picmonkey is free if you don't have your own program.)