17 Ways To Ensure Your Son Will Not Be a Gentleman

“How are you?” she asked, but there was no response, other than the grumpy look on his face. 

“Surely  he answered and I just didn't hear him,” I thought to myself in surprise.  But as she asked another question  and then another, even she began to look surprised.

I could not believe she just spoke directly to his face and he just stared back at her with a scowl!

This was not a troubled teen.  This was a young adult from a good home who should have known better.

About a week later, I happened to pass him and when I said hello he continued on without even acknowledging that I had spoken.  I was flabbergasted.

Then I remembered a college professor of mine who said that this happened to him all the time with college students.  He would say good morning and they just simply wouldn't answer.  (He would just run back around in front of them and try it again until he got an answer!)

But again, these weren't young adults from troubled homes. For the most part these were people from good families, but they all had one thing in common: they were RUDE!

If such a large number of young adults have grown up not having learned basic manners, I have to wonder if parents are dropping the ball.  I understand that ultimately children make their own choices, but when it comes to something like manners, those aren't really choices; they're habits that are learned from the earliest ages.

The following are ways that parents unintentionally raise sons who are not gentlemen.  (And if you have daughters, any of the points that are not boy-specific absolutely apply.)

Let's work hard to avoid these parenting pitfalls and teach our children to be polite, caring adults!

1. Let him play rough with his sisters or female friends.

This will help him learn that ladies are not to be treated gently and with respect.

2. Don't let him help carry groceries for mom.

Mom can do it faster herself, and not allowing him the privilege to help will teach him that ladies don't need gentlemen to help them anyway.

3. Don't make him give his seat to a lady.

This will teach him to take care of himself  when he's tired (or lazy.)

4. Don't enforce table manners.

This will help him understand that he is too dumb to use them anyway and that “real men” are crass.

5. Don't make him speak when someone speaks to him.

This will help him understand that his own feelings are more important than treating other people with respect. (Note: I understand that some young children are extremely shy.  But if you always use that as an excuse, they will have a very hard time overcoming it when they're grown.  This post has a suggestion for gently helping children who struggle with being shy.)

6. Always let him choose the activity when friends are over.

This will teach him not to value the opinions and wishes of others, especially when they are different from his own.

7. Don't make him apologize when he bumps into someone or knocks something over.

This will teach him to live recklessly and without thought of how his actions affect others.

8. Allow him to cut in line or push his way to the front.

This will teach him that he's got to look out for himself, no matter how it affects other people.

9. Don't differentiate between inside and outside behavior (running, shouting, etc.)

This will teach him that he can let out his manly energy anytime he wants; there is no reason to control it until the appropriate time.

10. Just let “boys be boys” – picking nose, burping, scratching

This will help him understand that the ladies just need to “get over it”; he doesn't need to be concerned that his actions make others feel uncomfortable.

11. Always give him your full attention when he interrupts.

This will teach him that he is the most important person in the world and that his desires come before everyone else's.

12. Give him whatever he wants, no matter how he asks.

This will help him learn how to exert his “manly authority” instead of realizing that he doesn't deserve any favors that are given to him.

13. Do not make him stop to say thank you when someone gives him something.

This will help him develop an attitude of entitlement.

14. Let him speak his mind out loud about other people.

This will help him understand that other people's feelings don't matter.

15. Allow him to barge into closed doors whenever he wants.

This will teach him that other people do not deserve respect for their privacy.

16. Let him take things away from people if he wants them.

This will help him learn to be a “go-getter”, even if it means he steps on other people to get what he wants.

17. Don't ever expect him to pitch in and help when you're working on something.

This will help him learn never to volunteer to help someone in need.

And although this last one is not part of the official list, it might be the most important: Don't ever let him see daddy treating mommy like a lady (or mommy allowing daddy to do so – “I can open my own door!”).  This will make sure he has no good example to follow.

Do you see any areas that could use some tightening up in your household?  Did you think of any other ways that parents train their boys (or girls) to be rude and uncaring of others?

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