Dear Mom: You Are Not Enough

In my internet wanderings I have seen a theme pop up occasionally on various mom blogs and websites that says the following:

“You are enough.”

While that may sound pretty, I had to ask myself if that was really true.

I'm not trying to pour cold water on what others are meaning as an encouragement to weary moms.  Not at all.

However, I want to offer some encouragement that is based on Biblical truth rather than on a feel-good quote.

You see, the phrase “You are enough” sends the message that in spite of your failures and shortcomings, all your kids need is you.  In the end, as long as you're doing the best you can, you're doing just fine.

But holding to the belief that “you are enough” will only bring greater discouragement when all is said and done.

What mom can really bring herself to believe these statements? “It's okay if I lose my patience with my kids.  I'm doing my best so I can't worry about it.  I'll try again tomorrow.”  “It's okay if I don't use my time wisely.  I'll do better tomorrow.”  “I did a lousy job of parenting today, but I won't worry about it because my kids love me anyway.”

I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend my life believing that my best (which always ends up in failure) is good enough.  Because it's not.

Rather than living life accepting failure as normal and good, mom, you can go through life victorious!

And this victory only comes when you realize that you are not enough!

Apart from Christ, you can do nothing!

You can try over and over and over again, but if you are attempting this endeavor of motherhood (and life in general!) on your own, your will fail miserably every single time.

But according to the precious promises of God, you do not have to accept failure.  Through Christ you can live each day victoriously!

Consider these scriptures:

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

John 15:5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

I Corinthians 15:57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

II Corinthians 2:14 Now thanks be unto God, which always causeth us to triumph in Christ.

Strength!  Fruit-bearing!  Victory!  Triumph!  That's what you find when you realize that you are not enough!  Aren't those so much better than mere acceptance of your imperfect self?

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Another problem with believing that you are enough is this: what you believe and practice will be picked up by your children.

When you believe that you are enough – that you are all your children need, they will also believe exactly that.  When they are hurt or disappointed they will learn that all they need to do is run to mommy and she will make everything better.  How tragic for a child to grow up never learning how to run to the only One who can solve their problems!

No matter how much I love my children, there is a place in their life that I can never fill – that I was never meant to fill.  That is the honored place that belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ.  I want him to be my children's best friend.  When my children need somewhere to run when they are hurt or disappointed, I want them to learn to run to Him – not  to mom.  Will I always be there with my arms open?  You better believe it!  But mingled with that fierce embrace will be the knowledge that I can't make it better because I am not enough.  That is when I go with my child to the throne of Grace and lead him to the One who is enough!

What a precious gift to give your child — the gift of teaching him to put his trust not in an imperfect human, but in a God who will never fail him!

Mom, you are not enough.  But you can have a personal relationship with the One who is enough.  (If you don't know him, please read this page to find out how you can!)

If you do have a personal relationship with Christ, remember that you can live each day victoriously through His strength!  You can teach your children to run to him with every hurt and difficulty.  You can end each day without feeling frustrated at your failure.

Because HE is enough.

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One Simple Word That Could Change Your Home

You are here because you are a homemaker.  (At least that's what I'm assuming!)

Look up the definition of “homemaker” in any dictionary, and you will find something to the effect of “a person who manages a home.”

Now if you look up the definition of the word “home”, you will find that it not only means “the place where a person lives”, but it also includes “the social unit formed by a family living together”. 

So, as a homemaker, you are not only the manager of the house in which you live, but you are in essence the manager of the family that lives there as well.

If you want to be successful in your calling as a homemaker, your time and attention should be on how you can better yourself in your management of both your home and your family.

Right here, before they ever get any further than the definition of their calling, is where many homemakers get derailed.

I confess it is very easy to do.

Opportunities to do so many good things come your way all the time – teaching Sunday School, leading homeschool co-op, volunteering at the crisis pregnancy center, etc.

But the question you must ask yourself when these opportunities come along is “Will this prevent me from managing my home and family successfully?  How much of my time will this require?”

If you cannot honestly say that your role as a home manager will not be hindered, then the word you must use is the word “No.”

It's a hard one to say sometimes.  (What will other people think?) Let me be clear.  I am not saying it is wrong to accept opportunities. But I am saying it is wrong if it will prevent you from fulfilling your responsibilities at home.

If you find yourself constantly frazzled that you can't keep up with the laundry, or frustrated that you can never seem to find time to give your child some much-needed one-on-one time, or feeling guilty that you haven't cooked a nice meal for your husband in who-knows-how-long, then you'll know it's time to use that little word.

Maybe you not only need to refuse new opportunities, but you need to cut down on some of the things with which you are already involved.

Don't feel guilty for saying no to something good in order to say yes to that which is best in this season of your life.

Reduce responsibility, and see if it doesn't help you find an extra level of peace in your home!

What do you need to say no to?  I'd love for you to share your thoughts in the comments!

Where to Start with Child Training When You Feel Like You’re Behind

I’ve recently had some moms ask me where to begin when their children are older but they wish they would have started training their children to obey God from birth.

They know they need to start, but aren’t quite sure how.

Teaching your child at an older age is not going to differ much from teaching a younger child.

We all need the same thing whether we’re children, teenagers, or adults, and that is the spirit of God working to change us through the power of His Word.

The salvation of your child and subsequently a life that is lived for God’s glory is the ultimate goal. The goal is not to have your child outwardly conform to your standards, but rather to be changed from the inside out. So first of all, ask yourself “Does my child claim to know Christ as his Savior?” If not, pray specifically toward that end and focus on teaching them Scripture that is directed specifically toward pointing out their sin and their need for a Savior.

If your child does know Christ as his Savior, then he has the Holy Spirit dwelling within. It should be your goal as the parent to direct your child to follow the Spirit’s promptings in his heart. If all a child learns is to follow rules, his life will be a mess when he is grown and he has no one to make any rules for him. Instead you need teach your child that God’s Word needs to be his authority. When enforcing rules at home, remind your child every time that by disobeying his parents he has actually disobeyed God’s Word.

Before we go any further, I want to be doubly sure you understand exactly what the goal is. You can’t reach a goal if you’re not 100% clear on what it is.

Read this out loud to solidify it in your own heart and mind:

My goal in training (child’s name) is the salvation of (his/her) soul and (his/her) submission to the Word of God.

Okay, now that you know exactly what the goal is let’s go over some practical steps to get there.

1. First of all, PRAY! I already mentioned that it is the Holy Spirit who must do the work in your child’s heart. You can enforce conformity to outward standards, but you can never get into your child’s heart and change his thinking and attitudes. If you want the Holy Spirit to do so, you need to ask him! You should also be praying for wisdom to know what to say as you teach your child and how to respond when a particular situation arises.

2. Know the Word of God for yourself. If your goal is for your children to be submissive to the Word of God, they first of all need to know what it says. And if you want your children to know the Word of God, you need to know it yourself. You can’t teach something you don’t know!  (See also: Finding Time for God When You Can Hardly Find Time to Breathe.)

3. Build credibility. You can talk to your children until you are blue in the face, but they are not going to listen to a word you say if your life does not back up what you are saying. (Mom tells me God’s Word is the most important thing in the world, but she spends all her time on the computer? Mom tells me to speak to others kindly, but she yells at me when she’s frustrated?   You get the picture.)

Not only do you build credibility by how you live, but you also build credibility by being consistent in your discipline. If you’ve told your children they may not touch a particular item in the house, but you see them playing with it one day and ignore it because it’s “too inconvenient” to deal with at the time, they are going to pick up very quickly that obedience isn’t really as important as you say. If you tell your child to clean his room and he doesn’t do it until the second or third time (when you’ve finally yelled loud enough), he is going to learn that he doesn’t really have to obey right away.

Now what if you have made mistakes in the past and haven’t been consistent about disciplining your child every time he disobeys or doesn’t obey the first time he’s told?

If your child is old enough to realize those things, he is old enough for you to sit down with him and give him an honest heart-to-heart talk about where you’ve failed him as a parent. Explain to him that you haven’t taught him how important it is to obey you (and ultimately God), but that starting from this moment on, you will be making the importance of obedience clear to him by administering appropriate consequences when he disobeys.

Seeing mom or dad admit mistakes is not going to destroy your credibility; it will actually help your child realize that his parents aren’t trying to pretend to be perfect.   (He already knows you’re not perfect, so seeing you try to act like you are only shows him that you are a liar and a hypocrite – not exactly character traits you are wanting to exemplify.)  Once you've talked with your child and told him what to expect — do it!  Follow through, or you will destroy the credibility you're trying to build before you ever get started!

4. Show your children how much you love and care about them. “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care” may seem like a trite statement, but yet it is true. Do you want your children to listen when you try to correct and instruct them?  They won't want to hear it unless you have shown them that you care about them as a person.  Spend time with them.  Listen to them.  Get to know them.  We'll cover some practical ways to do that another time.  We'll also cover some ideas for specific scriptures that are good to teach your children, but for now just teach them something!

Since this post is getting long, I'll try to sum it all up in four words.

Where do you start when you feel like you're behind with child training?

Start where you are.

Today.

Not in a week after you've come up with a detailed plan.  Not after you've lamented over the years you've lost.  Right now.

Go forward and don't look back.

Love and prayers for you and your children,

Possibly Free Ultimate Healthy Living Bundle!

This year's Ultimate Healthy Living Bundle will be here in just a few weeks.  It always has fantastic resources!

I know many of you have a hard time affording it, though, so I wanted to share a way you can get a bundle completely free!

Here's what to do:

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Surely you've all got 10 friends, right?

Now what are you waiting for, go get started on that free bundle!

9 Questions to Ask Yourself When You’re Feeling Sleepy

Sometimes when I get to feeling sleepy during the day I try to think through what I've done/haven't done that is contributing to my sleepiness.

Often the answer is obvious, but it is sometimes hard to figure it out when your brain doesn't want to wake up and function!

I came up with a list of basic questions to go through sort of like a checklist.  Each of these things will easily make you feel sleepy, so if you're feeling tired, try these first!

Here they are:

1. Am I dehydrated?

2. Did I take my vitamins today?  (Here are some suggestions.)

3. Do I need a chiropractic adjustment?

4. Have I eaten enough today?

5. Have the foods I've eaten been nutritious or simply empty calories?

6. Have I been getting enough sleep?

7. Have I gotten some type of exercise today?

8. Is my house/work area a mess?

9. Have I been extra busy or stressed lately?

If you're careful to do these things and you still can't seem to shake the sleepiness, you may be interested in my eBook entitled Farewell, Fatigue: How I Overcame Chronic Fatigue the Natural Way.  I was doing all the right things but lived in a state of chronic exhaustion until I found a natural doctor who helped me tremendously!  I've shared all I learned from her (and then some!) in my book.

Is there anything I've forgotten to put on this list?  Leave me a comment and let me know!

A Compact Travel System for Your Growing Family

The more children we have, the more interested I become in things that will save space both in the house and in the car.

There are so many odds and ends that I feel we have to keep in the car, but there is only so much room.  I began the hunt for a compact travel system so that I could make other moms with growing families aware of it.

I specifically wanted to find a compact travel system rather than just a stroller because it is so nice to be able to just click the carseat out of the carseat base and into the stroller rather than having to transfer the baby (especially if he's sleeping!)

Here's what I found:

The Urbini Touri Compact Travel System not only lives up to its name as far as being compact, but it has lots of other fantastic features too!  (Disclosure:  I received the travel system free to facilitate this review; however, as always all opinions are 100% my own.)

Pros:

• Stroller is a comfortable height and has a comfortable handle design
• Stroller rides very smoothly
• Stroller folds extremely compact
• Cup holder included with stroller
• Stroller recline angle adjusts to wherever you want it (and does so very easily)
• Stroller has adjustable footrest to make it the most comfortable for baby's size
• Stroller changes from swivel wheels to locked wheels to make pushing on rough terrain easier
• Stroller is easy to fold and unfold
• The sunshade on both the carseat and stroller provides lots of coverage
• Carseat includes a preemie insert for tiny babies
• Carseat cover and buckle cushions are easy to remove and wash
• Carseat harness is easy to adjust
• Carseat is lightweight

I was really surprised at how much coverage the sunshade offers.

On the left is my umbrella stroller. On the right is the Urbini Touri stroller. They are pretty much the same size!

The stroller was packed very nicely for shipping. There was a lot of extra padding to prevent any part of it from getting damaged.

Cons:

• The basket under the stroller is small; I guess a larger basket would not allow the stroller to be folded so compactly!
• Latching the carseat in and out of the base or stroller is not extremely convenient.  Not a terrible deal, but it's not the easiest I've ever used.
• It doesn't seem like the most durable stroller in the world.
• The buckles do not buckle and unbuckle terribly smoothly.

The basket is small, and the bars underneath do not allow it to stretch out any larger.

Overall, the Urbini Touri is a very nice travel system at a very nice price.  (Walmart.com has it listed at $149.)  It has every feature I could wish for in a stroller, all in a very compact size.  This is a great option for any family with small spaces and a small budget!